The Quick-Fix Junkie
Do we ever find ourselves hoping for a speedy solution to that which ails us?
Slay the dragon, get the treasure, marry the princess and back before breakfast!!
But then what? Live a life of easy leisure in problem-free paradise?
In reality, this never quite succeeds, and the quick fixes become an addiction to empty calories that fail to nourish the soul and keep us from our deeper long-term growth process, the place where true satisfaction resides.
If this resonates, we may have a Quick-Fix Junkie on our team.
The quick-fix junkie is an opportunistic gambler with a short attention span who chooses shortcuts, switches approach, or gives up when it hits the first signs of difficulty. It is like a fruit-picker who scours the lower picked-over branches and won’t take the extra time to search out a ladder. This means it misses out on the real work of healing, growing, and developing authenticity. It often arrives in therapy at the behest of frustrated parents and significant others, who can sense untapped potential.
The quick-fix junkie doesn’t feel a whole lot most of the time and doesn’t like to dwell on emotions or the inner world. It has a bias to action and quick feedback loops. It tends to externalize, seeing value in concrete and measurable things out in the world, such as material success, sport, video games, and sexual conquest. Because it stays in the shallows, it can struggle to develop a deep authentic passion. Unlike the dreamer who lingers too long in the underworld, when the quick-fix junkie does go deeper, it grabs at the first glimmer of inner treasure and dashes for the surface.
There is an overlap here with ADHD, a largely genetic condition, which operates through dopamine insensitivity. This insensitivity requires quick-fix junkies to desperately seek stimulation and novelty in order to get a rationed hit of dopamine.
In the healing process:
The quick-fix junkie has grossly unrealistic expectations and asks regularly how long healing will take. It appears to have a superficial understanding of what therapy entails and a shallow attachment to the therapist. Sessions jump from topic to topic without developing deeper understanding of core issues. The quick-fix junkie likes to report that nothing is happening in treatment.
The quick-fix junkie struggles to commit to the painful long term work of healing. It would rather switch to a different community or approach each time the going gets tough. Needless to say, there is a lot of repetition. The cast changes but the play stays the same.
The work of the quick-fix junkie is to deepen self understanding, increase embodiment, and stretch out its distress tolerance, or the ability to stay with things. As this takes place, authenticity emerges, emotional color enters, and relationships become deeper and richer. Strategic vision improves and wisdom and intuition are accessed. Somewhat mysteriously, things start to straighten out in the external environment and energy is channeled more effectively toward personally meaningful goals. Deep work takes the place of superficial activities. A more resonant voice develops and the quick-fix junkie starts to have more weight and impact on the people around it.
How to work with the quick-fix junkie:
Most importantly, stop avoiding painful and boring but essential long-term work. Challenge ourselves to face hard tasks and lengthen how long we stick with things. It is a muscle we can develop.
Slow down and question our desire to make frequent changes. Perhaps our urge to move is because the rubber of real painful change is hitting the road of complacency? Can we take the current approach deeper or further, even just to break our pattern of switching? Can we log a few completions, especially those goals we have been circling for a long time?
Stick with a good-enough therapeutic container and discuss urges to jump ship with our therapist or healer. As Freud said, “what cannot be spoken, is acted.” Leaving prematurely is usually repeating a pattern that will likely continue to cause problems. Speaking about it relieves the pressure and shifts the pattern. Then leave if it’s still the wise move.
Develop self-reflection and embodied mindfulness practices. Reflect on what patterns are repeating and make some changes.
Resources:
Scattered Minds - by Gabor Maté
Now for that quick fix!
